Caregiving – A Labor of Love

Caregiving is probably the hardest things I’ve ever encountered in my life. It’s certainly one of the most consistent things I’ve ever done, in my life. 

 

I certainly was not naive when I decided to take this on. I knew this would be difficult. I didn’t realize the level of difficulty and what I would be exposed to or expected to do. 

 

But, isn’t that the case of most of us that haven’t ever been exposed to someone with dementia? 

 

Let’s been honest, most of us caregivers have never had any experience in this. And even the few who have struggle. 

 

For me, caregiving has been “by the bootstraps” learning. 

 

It’s also been a lot of research, and attending seminars to get educated on dementia, and it’s helped me greatly. 

 

I knew my mother would lose herself. I didn’t know how much of herself she would lose. I knew my mother would lose me. I didn’t realize how much of me she would lose. 

 

You find yourself faced with several painful realities of dementia daily. And for every person that daily reality is different. No two people are the same. 

 

Yet, despite the reality shock I find myself faced with on a regular basis, I continue to press in and give all of myself towards caring for my mom and loving her daily. 

 

But, why? Why be all in? Why tolerate some of the difficult behaviors? Why endure the daily grief and loss that comes with caring for someone with dementia? 

 

Well, she’s my mother. Because my love for my mom sees no bounds. And in many ways I’ve been her caregiver all my life. Because despite our relationship when I was growing up, I’ve never given up on her. Because I enjoy caring for her. Because I know if the shoe were on the other foot, she would be there for me and fight for me to the very end. 

 

I have several reasons for why I endure this battle daily; some you would understand; and some would probably leave you scratching your head.

 

For instance, I happen to find this journey with my mother rewarding. 

 

Yes, I know. I said earlier in this post this is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my life. It truly is. But, let me tell you where some of the rewards lay…

 

The reward is when I wake up each morning and she’s still with me. Even if she is cranky, she’s still alive and breathing, walking singing and talking. 

 

The reward is when I see her first thing in the morning and the instant smile comes to her face when she sees me. And the smile that comes to my face when I see her. 

 

The reward is when she looks at me and puts her hand on my face, and calls me her baby and sincerely means it. Because she genuinely remembers who I am (in the moment). 

 

The reward is when I fix her a meal and she is so excited that I took the time out to make it for her and she thanks me, and she eats it with such enthusiasm and joy. 

 

The reward is when I help her with basic needs and she isn’t fighting against me. But, she accepts the help willingly. 

 

The reward is hearing her speak and sing, five years post diagnosis. I’m so thankful she still has the ability. Even though I can’t understand ALL of her words, she still effectively communicates with me and gets her point across quite well. 

 

The rewards are the lessons my mother teaches me daily. And how caring for her daily makes me want to be a better person (for her and myself). 

 

My mother inspires me. Everything I do, I do for her. 

 

Remembering why I do what I do helps me get through the tough moments of the days. And it reminds me that she too is human. 

 

There’s nothing about caregiving that’s easy. I’m certainly not going to act like there is. 

 

Depending on where your loved one is in their disease, caring for your loved one could mean early mornings, late nights, lots of laundry, lots of clean up duty, dealing with being cussed out, slapped, punched, kicked, supporting them through hallucinations and delusions… If you’ve been doing this for a while, you’ll know exactly what I mean. 

 

A lot of my day is spent making sure mom gets frequent small meals and snacks throughout the day. Cleaning up during and after her meals, because she walks and eats and drops a lot of food. Along with sometimes spilling her drinks. 

 

I’m constantly on potty watch, because she rarely says she needs to go, anymore. 

 

Unfortunately, mom is in diapers full-time. So, while I do encourage her to go potty, sometimes she just doesn’t make it. Especially, if she has an upset stomach. 

 

Therefore, the day can also consist of a diaper change (or two, or three). It’s tough. But, I’m committed to the end. 

 

Everything I find myself doing for my mother, she did for me growing up. While this is the toughest thing I’ve ever done, I’m thankful to have the opportunity to pay it forward. 

 

I’m thankful to be able to walk this journey with her daily and support her. 

 

Besides, when I was growing up one thing my mom always told me is she never wanted to go to a Nursing Home. She never trusted anyone to care for her, but me. 

 

As time goes on, obviously I will need to have more than just our one aid to help us. But, I will do everything possible to keep my mom home, until she takes her last breath. Because that’s what she wanted. It’s also what I want; for her, for us. 

If it’s possible, who better to care for you than your family from the comfort of your own home?