Caregiving: Perspective is Everything…
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One thing my mom taught me growing up is that perspective is everything.
I have to say, now that I’m her full-time caregiver (for 6 years), she’s right. Perspective is everything.
See, I could get mad and act like my life is ruined. But, that doesn’t help either of us.
Truth is, my life isn’t ruined; Hers is.
See, dementia has taken so much from her that she loved, her job, driving, hanging out with friends, family…never knowing any potential future grandchildren that could come…the losses add up regularly.
My life, isn’t over. It’s on hold. One day dementia will take my mother’s life. But, mine…it will go on. It will take a good while to readjust and move on. But, nonetheless, it will move on.
Every day I approach each day thankful I still have my mom. Thankful, I can see her smile. Thankful, I can still hug and kiss her. Thankful, I can still hear her speak and sing (even if most of her words are gibberish). Thankful that, she is still at home with me.
There are aspects of life we still get to enjoy. And believe me, I try to make sure we cherish each day to the fullest. Whatever that may look like.
While there are aspects of this disease that I don’t enjoy, I do enjoy her. I really do.
My mother is still kind, thoughtful, loving, compassionate, empathic…
Recently, I was sick and I was walking around with a mask on my face to protect her. She said to me, “aaaaaawwwww, what’s wrong?”
Even in her advanced state, mom knew something wasn’t right. She even walked up to me and took my mask off. She didn’t like it one bit. I also think it may have made her nervous. She wanted to see my face.
I guess I could have gotten upset that she did that. But, why?
Mom taking my mask off, I think was some maternal instinct coming out. Maybe she thought she was trying to take care of me. Maybe she thought the mask is what made me sick. Who knows what she was thinking? I don’t claim to have all the answers. I’m just here to share my experiences.
I just know my mom is still in there, trapped in her mind. Every once in a while, she’ll do or say something to remind me, “hey, I’m still here!”
Despite all we have been through in life (especially, the past 6 years), I want to go into the New Year with a positive attitude and frame of mind.
I want to go into the New Year, not with the belief that 2020 may be it with her, but that I may have another year with her (several more years).
I want to go into 2020 knowing this blog with be highly successful and that it will help me reach many. Also, that this blog will aid in me being able to support her (and Bob) to provide what they need.
I want to go into 2020 knowing that, this blog will offer you a different perspective of caregiving.
It’s easy to sit and complain about how tired we are and need a break. I’m not implying we don’t have a right to lament. We do! Especially, if we have little to no support.
However, I have to remind myself of how tired my mom must be; and how much dementia must take from her. I can’t imagine and I hope I never have to find out.
I want my faith to guide me on whatever is left on this caregiving journey and to worry less. Because the truth of the matter is, no amount of worry will change the future. But, that darn humanity in me…
One thing we tend to find out rather quickly on this caregiving journey is the roles get reversed real fast!
So, essentially, I’ve become a mommy to my mommy.
At first, I was a bit disturbed by that. She’s the mom! She’s supposed to look after me, nurture me, advocate for me! And now, I’m doing everything for her. Some days, it almost seems unfair. Especially, when I’m sick and I no longer have my mommy to take care of me. Or do I?
I’ve come to settle into my role over the years. I’m used to it now. And actually cherish the moments I get to nuture and love on her. I feel like, I get to be a better mom to her than she was to me (at some points in my life).
There has been something very therapeutic about this for me. My childhood wasn’t perfect. My mother for the first 19 years of my life was an untreated bipolar. Believe me, life was far from perfect. Ya know what’s interesting, though? Some of the healing that’s taken place. Being able to see the humanity in her. Realizing she’s been ill most of my life and that essentially, I’ve been caring for her since I was a little girl. The difference now, is she won’t be independent ever again. This time around final, means final.
I’ll go into the healing affects of caregiving for me another day on another post.
However, I would love to go into 2020 with a continued sense of healing and understanding. I want to seize every moment we have left.
Sure, there will always be moments of frustration as she progresses, I’ll never deny that. I want to be able to work through them quicker and with more wisdom!
In 2020, I want to be able to ignore all the other crap that goes on around us and my sole focus be on mom, Bob and I; nothing else. Because, in the big scheme of things, what else matters?
Caregiving has had some negative affects on me, as well. And I plan on removing the people in our lives that has made this experience more difficult on us than this has had to be. Not that removing them will make things perfect. It will just make us healthier.
I guess you can say my overall goal is to go into 2020 much stronger and healthier than I’m leaving 2019.
How can/will you change your perspective in 2020? Leave me a comment! 🙂
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Thank you so much for your kind comment. It’s my goal to put out valuable content. I’m so glad to know I’m achieving that! 🙂
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Thank you and good luck.
Thank you so much for your kind comment.
I’m so happy to know my content is helpful to you. I’ll be posting more. So, keep checking!
Also, please, like share and subscribe so I can get more eyes on my blog. 🙂
Your writing is so good, the way you put your thought down on paper, the way your words enlighten the reader and equip the caregiver is mind-blowing. I am really proud of you “C.” 2020 will bring more difficulty and pain but the way you are learning to have the right perspective I know you will get through it even better than you came into it.
Thank you. 🙂