Being a caregiver can bring about numerous and interesting challenges. Some are pretty easy to work through. Some take a little brain power; but, we get through it. And some are just downright tough.

There is no such thing as stagnation in the world of caregiving. Caregiving is fluid and ever changing. Even if things seem rather stagnant for a time, things are bound to change and sometimes, quickly!

Well, as we know, when it comes to dementia one of the last things to go is often long term memory. Meaning, they may not remember what they did today, but, they can tell you about something that happened 40 years ago. That can be really tough and frustrating.

One challenge I have faced with my mom is she went through a short period of saying, “I wanna go home.”

At first, I did the typical, “you are home, mom!”

At the time, I didn’t know better. I made the mistake of trying to bring her into my world, instead of entering hers.

I think it was around that point I started going to alzheimers seminars. I realized how much I didn’t know and how much I needed to learn, if I had any hope of being successful at caring for my mom.

Enter Their World

Enter their World

One thing I learned is to stop telling my mother she is home! Enter her world! What does that even mean?

I learned that when a person with dementia is asking to go home, there likely is an unmet need, or they are upset about something.

What I have found in a lot of cases, is when a person living with dementia is asking to go home, they are seeking comfort.

Seeking Comfort

Let me give you an example:

Have you ever hugged someone and just completely melted in their arms? Have you ever hugged someone and felt safe? Have you ever hugged someone and felt like you found your sense of home.

Home for them is rarely a physical place, but an emotional feeling/connection they are searching for, but can’t express.

Home could be where they found love, comfort and safety.

Home could mean, I’m hungry or tired.

Home could mean, I have to go to the bathroom.

Home could mean, I am cold, sick, or uncomfortable.

How To Respond

So, what do you say to someone who says, “I want to go home?”

You could ask them, “what does home look like?”, or you could ask, “where is home?”

If they still have the language skills, they probably can or will tell you.

You can offer them a blanket.

You can ask them if they are hungry or simply offer a meal.

You can offer to help them get to the bathroom.

Other helpful tips

As you know we have 5 senses, sight, sound, smell, touch and taste.

Try redirecting your loved one with one of the senses (I don’t recommend all 5 at once, depending on their stage).

5 Senses

Smell

Bake some cookies!

Who doesn’t love the smell of fresh baked cookies?

Ever go house hunting and notice a nice aroma of cookies?

That’s because realtors know that the smell of fresh baked cookies will enhance your senses. They know that it will make that space feel more homey to you and make you more likely to buy.

Suddenly, you’re standing there smelling and tasting warm cookies and picturing making that beautiful home yours!

I’m betting smelling the aroma of cookies and then later tasting them, will settle them right in. 🙂

Btw, have you ever noticed some hotels use cookies to entice you, too?

If cookies aren’t their favorite, trying whatever their favorite meal is.

I wish I had this information when my mom was asking to go home. She loved to bake and cook with me!

And look, you don’t have to go all out making the cookies from scratch. Buy some pre-made cookie dough, slice, bake and you’re done! 🙂

Cooking from scratch can be fun. But, pre-made mix will probably be easier in that moment, depending on your loved ones stage.

Taste

If smelling those delicious cookies wasn’t enough, let them eat one or two. I love a warm home baked cookie. Maybe they will even share some memories with you. Or just give you a smile. Either way, its a win-win situation…

Sight

Did they ever tell you what their favorite shows or movies were growing up?

Try watching some of the shows, cartoons, or movies. I bet you’ll have a lot of fun and a lot of laughs. A pure bonding moment!

Sound

Music needs no words. Music is the universal language. Pick their favorite genre and have some fun with music. Sing with your loved one. Dance with your loved one, or just simply sit and listen. Whatever makes them happy.

Touch

Sometimes, a simple hug will do. A soft blanket. Maybe some soft fuzzy slippers that reminds them of their childhood. A soft robe. A stuffed toy of some kind could be wonderful, as well.

There are so many options available to us as caregivers, that we should never ever feel the need again to say, “you are home.”

The results of some of the things suggested, could bring some amazing and rewarding results!

Thanks for reading.

Questions about this post or suggestions?

Email me! I’ll be happy to read them!

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