Dementia, Caregiving and Thanksgiving (Part 2)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I decided I wanted to share some memories and some thoughts with you all.

This Thanksgiving seems to have me all in my head. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s because I can see the decline in my mom and I worry about the not too distant future. Which is weird. It’s not like I don’t know my mother will die of dementia. I’m just not ready. No, I don’t believe death is eminent. But, I know time is becoming more and more limited with her.

Thanksgivings were always interesting in my family. Some years we had family over to our house and other years we would go to my aunt’s house in Atlantic City for a huge buffet. Literally.

Although, meals at home were like a buffet, too.

Whether we were at home or at my aunt’s house, family would come from all over for the meals.

I grew up with a lot of extended family. So, some would contribute to the meals. My great grandmother used to cook from scratch and she would contribute a lot, probably most of the meal.

One memory I have is snapping peas with my great grandmother. I cherished those moments. I enjoyed that time with her. Talking to her was always interesting. I wish we could bring those times back. So many families are missing out on these moments.

Another memory is watching her peeling and cutting turnips. I hated them. Still do. But, it was fun to watch how she would tear through them like a pro!

My great grandmother also made some amazing greens (or I heard – I’ve never liked them either). But, she would throw the turkey necks in the greens and she would use the gizzards for gravy.

The fun part for me was washing the leaves of the greens with her and her explaining to me why we did that. Gosh, I thought she had all the answers. She was so wise on so many things.

I wish I had the hindsight to get her recipes. But, when you’re a young child, you don’t consider these things. I lost her at 11 years old. Had she of lived a couple or few more years, I probably would have thought of it. She probably wouldn’t of had many recipes to offer anyway, if any. She cooked/baked from her soul. I never saw her use a recipe, not once. I should have just paid more attention.

Another favorite memory with my great grandmother was when she would bake. I don’t have to tell you how much fun it was licking the cake batter off the beater. She would have one and I would have one. And then, we would make cake icing from scratch. Even her homemade cake icing was amazing!

The aroma of the house with her pies and cakes was amaing. She would make apple pies, candied yams or candied sweet potatoes, sweet potato pies…I think she could have been a master baker. She was amazing.

My mother didn’t contribute much to the Thanksgiving meals. She did more every day stuff, not much holiday baking and cooking.

Mom (I think) didn’t even learn to bake a turkey until I was an adult myself!

One thing mom and I did do was bake cookies. Mom would buy some chocolate chips and walnuts. We would follow the recipe on the back of the chocolate chip bag. It was so much fun.

It’s not that my mom couldn’t cook. She was an amazing cook. But, my great grandmother was the matriarch of the family. So, once she couldn’t handle cooking these massive meals anymore than my aunt (my grandmother’s sister) took over.

Now, sadly, my aunt can’t do the meals anymore. We believe she has Alzheimer’s herself. No one seems to want to take over the family dinners. The one person who did take over for a bit, has since died. But, to be honest, once my great grandmother died, the family started to fall apart. She’s probably turning over in her grave, if she’s been looking down on all of us. She fought so hard to keep the family close and solified. Perhaps, one day we will all come back together.

Hanging out with my cousin’s at the ‘kids’ table was always fun, too. The times we spent being goofy and laughing were priceless.

Of course, the play times we spent after was always fun too.

In closing, I would like to add what I am thankful for…

I’m thankful to have another Thanksgiving to spend with my mom. She may not know what day it is and what it means, but I do. And every holiday I get to spend with her, just gives it that much more meaning.

I’m thankful my mom can still be affectionate and loving.

I’m thankful that whenever I walk into a room she is in, I’m greeted with a smile.

I’m thankful for my mom’s laugh.

I’m thankful that my mom still has an amazing sense of humor.

I’m thankful my mom still notices my presence.

I’m thankful my mom still has some sort of sense of who I am, even though she may not be able to express it.

I’m thankful that I get to advocate for her.

I’m thankful for Bob. He is a source of comfort for both of us.

While dementia has taken much from her (us), I’m thankful to be able to walk this journey with her. She’s taught me so much!

I’m thankful for the 6+ years of tough lessons. I’m still a work in progress obviously! But, everyday, I’m always learning and growing!

I’m thankful my mom and Bob love to go out and go for rides. I will miss the day I can’t travel with her anymore. Driving has always been an adventure for her.

I’m thankful my mom still has some independence, even if what she can do for herself now is very limited, still she fights the good fight to keep what little she has.

I’m thankful my mother is still mobile. And I hope she continues to be for a long time.

That’s all I have for now. I hope you enjoyed reminiscing with me.

What are some of your favorite Thanksgiving memories? Leave me a comment! 🙂