Dementia: The Art of Observation
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Since caring for my mom, it’s forced me to learn a lot about her.
I noticed early in her disease, her language skills were beginning to suffer. She still speaks. But, she was at a complete loss for a lot of words, when she was trying really hard to access them.
What I have come to learn is her often lack of words transferred to her behavior.
See, a lot of people think that because people with dementia often struggle with speech skills that you can no longer communicate with them! Let me say to you, that’s not true! I still communicate with my mom daily. Verbally AND Non-verbally!
How?
Through my skills of observation and through her senses.
It’s very important to develop your skills of observation, early in. Because, what happens when words fail altogether?
We must:
In a sense, learn a new language.
Learn to be more intuned with their behaviors.
Learn a New Language
As your loved one progresses, we must learn to interpret their words. No.
You won’t perfect this by any means. There will often (or at some point always be words you won’t understand). BUT…
Learning what they are trying to say, helps them communiate with you and others. And I have found with my mom, it helps to keep her verbal skills longer.
This is part of what people mean, when they say, “enter their world.”
I find, my mom will use gestures sometimes, if I don’t understand her. But, I try not to let her know I don’t understand. Because, I don’t want her to get discouraged and stop speaking altogether. So, if I don’t understand, I’ll usually just agree with her, laugh with her, or whatever it is she’s looking for. If I’m wrong, she’ll point to something.
Learning their language also helps with behavior issues.
Have you noticed when your loved one feels misunderstood or unheard, they will become anxious, upset, and/or act out?
Focus more on their words or lack there of. You’ll learn a lot!
Learn to be more In-tuned with Their Behaviors
Hallucinations
Okay, so. You’ve been having a rough day and you can’t figure out why!
Your loved one has been agitated all day, tallking/yelling at people that aren’t there, throwing things, cursing…
Well, do you know what is agitating them and how it got so far to them throwing things and cursing?
So, I have a story for you…
My mom’s companion has a tendency to listen to the TV quite loudly. In fact, I am often asking them to turn it down, because it’s often too loud for me. But, I, myself, have never liked loud noises. It stems from a seizure disorder I had a child. I’ve always been very sensitive to noises, yelling and lights.
Well, I have found that my mother has developed these same sensitivities.
One evening, the TV was on quite loudly and someone was yelling on TV and my mom threw one of those glass paper weights at it and broke it.
Compound that episode with the fact that my mother at that time, used to hallucinate something terrible (thank goodness that’s calmed down now).
Well, I had warned her companion. But, they didn’t listen. And MY MOTHER got blamed for that episode.
WRONG!
That was NOT my mom’s fault. It was the fault of her companion, who I’d warned on many ocassions to keep the TV at a lower level.
We cannot blame our loved ones for behaviors that we are ignoring (purposefully or not). It is our job to try to keep a calm and peaceful environment for them. If WE mess up and miss a signal, we need to acknowledge that and maybe even apologize to them, from time to time. I mean, after all, just because someone has dementia doesn’t mean they don’t have feelings or that they are no longer human beings. Quite the opposite.
So, what went wrong? What were the signals mom was going to do that?
She got extremely anxious and started yelling and cursing, at the TV.
One’s immediate response in that situation could be, turn down the TV, change the programming or turn it off altogether. Maybe put some soothing music on. Or maybe even some Aroma therapy could be helpful! Click here to check out some aroma therapy options on Amazon!
Illness
Sometimes, our loved ones just can’t verbalize what is wrong?
You could try and ask, what’s wrong. But, you’re going to have to learn to play detective here.
Are they not being their normal selves? Not sleeping? Not eating? Holding their tummies, head?
It could be something as minor as a cold to you need to seek medical attention. Once you observe their behavior long enough and try different things, you’ll know what you need to do.
Potty Issues
Please. Please. Please. Don’t ignore these signals! You’ll be glad you didn’t.
Obviously, a time will come when your loved one will no longer be able to communicate their need to use the bathroom.
So, here are things I’ve observed in my mother when she needs to go:
Agitation and Shaking.
Agitiation, because she can’t verbalize the need to go.
Shaking, because she’s waited too long to express it and needs to go!
The worse she has to go, the worse the shaking.
If she is standing, it will be a shaking of the leg.
If she is sitting, it will be a light shake of the leg to the point her whole body and floor is shaking.
^Bonus tips* Leg crossing and extreme pacing can be a sign, too.
Hunger
Signals for that can often be they are always grabbing at food, looking at your food, licking their lips (could also mean their lips are dry)…
I like to give my mom a several small meals a day and snacks. That seems to curb her grabbing at food all day. Now, granted, that doesn’t work for everyone. But, it’s worth a try.
Also, make sure they are drinking plenty, so they are well hydrated.
I have come to learn giving mom Cranberry Juice and Water throughout the day, has kept her bladder functioning quite nicely. I once veered from that schedule and noticed changes in her bladder habits and went right back to the cranberry juice and water routine. She drinks other stuff, too. But, for her cranberry juice and water is a must. She’s never had a UTI! My mom also loves cranberry juice mixed with Orange Juice. Who can blame her? That’s good stuff! 🙂
I give her Propel Water. You can get it in several flavors. It’s sweet and it has electrolytes! Here’s a link to that on Amazon, if you’re interested. Or you can get it at your local supermarket!That’s it for now! Hope this post has helped you!
BTW, I’ll be expanding my reach to YouTube soon! I will surely keep you all posted!
Questions? Email me and I’ll answer them! 🙂
Meanwhile, like, follow, share and comment! Have a great one and thanks for reading!
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Each blog you write is like taking a training course in Dementia caregiving. You are amazing!
Thank you! 🙂
Wonderful insight. Learning to observe our LO behavior is a must as you have outlined. Understanding your LO’s behavior would improve caregiving skills. Thank you for sharing your journey that we all may learn.
Yes, indeed. It can absolutely make life more peaceful!