Thank You, Caregivers!

Dear Caregivers,

We wanted to take the time out to acknowledge you all.

We wanted to take time out to let you all know how appreciated you all are.

Caregiving is a tough tough job. A job that gets little appreciation and thanks.

So, today our message is for you.

On top of caregiving being a challenge, covid has made our jobs more difficult.

Those of you that have loved ones in facilities can only visit for a limited time or maybe you can’t see them at all.

We have watched our loved ones decline due to lack of socialization, lack of help or therapies.

Our grief has increased. Our lonliness has increased. Our work load has increased. Everything has changed.

We want to let you all know, we appreciate your struggle. We appreciate all you all go through. We appreciate the lonliness, the grief, the tears, the fatigue, the sacrifice, everything.

Whether you are a caregiver by profession or care for a loved one 24/7, we want you to know, you are not alone.

We know these words probably don’t come as much comfort, when you’re in the thick of it. We can tell you, however, you aren’t alone.

Yet, maybe you are spending the day alone.

Maybe this is your first holiday without your loved one. Maybe you’re sitting thinking about how unfair life is. Why did your loved one get sick or taken so young? What happened to the dreams you had of a long life together? We understand.

While we know our words can’t even touch the pain some of you are feeling today, we know that sometimes it helps to have someone going through the same struggle to know, “it’s okay to not be okay.”

It’s okay to be sad.

It’s okay to cry.

It’s okay to be angry.

It’s also okay to be happy and joyous and celebatory. Whatever the deal is, we support you.

I, Candace, know what it’s like to look at the decline in my mom and be saddened by it.

I know, what it’s like to see the dreams of the future pass by my very eyes.

I know what it’s like to always be “on guard” and to live in a constant fight or flight mode.

I know what it’s like to spend late nights awake listening for my mom, because she doesn’t sleep as well anymore.

I know what it’s like to spend late nights awake, cleaning up from an accident.

I know what it’s like to spend late nights awake because my mom went through a period of wandering, at night.

I know what it’s like to “guard the door”, because my loved one was trying to go out on her own.

I know what it’s like to try and convince my mom she doesn’t have a job to go to, anymore.

I know what it’s like to see the pain in my mom as the realization of dementia hits her.

I know what it’s like to fight the hallucinations.

I know what it’s like to have my mom be combative, when I was simply trying to help her.

I know what it’s like to delay my own bathroom run, because my mom needed to go herself.

I know what it’s like to rush my own bathroom run, because my mom needed me or because she got into something.

I know what it’s like to see my mom lose who she is.

I know what it’s like to see my mom lose who I am.

I know the joy of when my mom has lucid moments.

This list could go on all day. But, I think you all get my point.

Mom and I have been fighting the good fight for 7 years, now.

And in all of this, the one thing that stands out to me is the lack of apprecition for all of the time and effort I have put in with my mom.

My mother’s “companion” acts like nothing I have done matters and is now in a battle to rip me from my mother. So sad.

While mom’s companion was working and going on vacations, MOST of the care came from me. Yet, let me get sick and the world is coming to an end. Me getting sick isn’t allowed. I know you all understand. That’s part of why this blog exists. Because, I knew there were others like myself who needed to hear, “I get it.” Because, I truly do.

Caring for my mom, has been easy, compared to dealing with her companion. Her companion has made these years more traumatic and more difficult than this needed to be. But, it’s okay. We shall prevail. I will never allow anyone to rip me from my mom and vice versa. It’s a constant battle. But, I know God/Universe has my back and I know you all do, too! I know, no weapon formed against me shall prosper. I truly believe that. And mom, Bob and I will come out of this victoriously!

So, thank you to all of you caregivers out there…professional or non-professional.

You ARE NOT invisible.

You ARE NOT alone.

Yes, I understand!

It’s OKAY to NOT be okay.

It’s OKAY to celebrate.

It’s OKAY to grieve.

WHATEVER you’re feeling is OKAY and we salute and support you!

Yours truly,

Candace, Robin and Bob!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! 🙂