Unsolicited Advice
This post may contain affiliate links from Amazon.com, TheWrightStuff.com, flexoffers.com, and CaregiverProducts.com, which means I may recieve commissions if you choose to purchase through links I provide (at no extra cost to you). If you use any of my links, I greatly appreciate it!
Dear Non-caregivers…
We the caregivers are sick and tired of your unsolicited advice.
Yes, I know some of you have experience in the medical field (not directly related to dementia – most times) and SOME of your medical expertise is useful…HOWEVER…
Your input isn’t always needed. In fact, we caregivers would rather you just shut up!
Do you understand the daily stress we are under?
Do you realize how NOT helpful most of your advice is?
For instance…We don’t need you to tell us about our loved one’s signals…we are quite familiar with them…in fact, odd fact…we see them daily and are also learning more daily as we go.
See…I have no experience in this outside of mom. And no, I’m not perfect. And yes, sometimes, I miss little details, signals and signs…and absolutely, there is the rare day that I could do better…
But, you know what?
Even on our worst day, we doing our best.
Even when we are tired, we are doing our best.
When we would rather be doing something else, we put our loved ones first.
Even the rare occasion we suffer from “compassion fatigue”, we are doing our best.
All day everyday, we are responsible for our loved one’s lives…Everyday, we are looking after them…everyday, they get fed, cleaned, changed, entertained, etc…
Who’s looking after us?
Who’s taking care of us?
Who’s there to take care of us or our loved one’s when we are sick?
Do you really think your needless advice and criticism is helpful?
Do you really think telling us about a task we perform daily is helpful?
If you think you know so much, why aren’t you non-caregivers helping out more?
Do you realize you just stress us out more with your opinions?
It’s so frustrating to be the one doing all the work and having the person doing NOTHING sitting back and critiquing.
Where is the good job?
Where is the, “I’m here for you!”
Where is the, “do you need anything?”
Where is the, “how about a cup of coffe?”
Where is the, “do you need a nap?”
Where is the support?
What we caregivers (…you know the ones actually DOING the work…) need is your support.
What we caregivers need is your outpouring of love for us!
What we caregivers need is your compassion for what we do!
What we caregivers need is your understanding!
What we caregivers need is to know we CAN come to you when we need your support!
What we DON’T need is your criticism!
What we DON’T need is are your nasty words!
What we DON’T need is you adding to our stress!
All too often we caregivers get asked why we don’t ask for help?
Well, because too many of us get way more judgment and criticism than we deserve.
Truth is, none of us are perfect. And we are doing the best we can with what we have.
Most of us have no experience in caring for someone with dementia!
For most of us, this is “by our bootstraps, hands-on learning.”
Most of us are doing better than we thought we ever would or could!
And yet, instead of being treated with respect, compassion and empathy, we get the “nothing you ever do is good enough”, comments.
Well, we are sick of it.
My final words…if you have nothing kind to say, don’t say anything at all.
Comments